Tuesday, August 22, 2006
ok. yeah. must write finish man. slack for too long liao. must start working. even though it seems meaningless. whatever.
Day 5:
last day. yeah. haha. still rmb monday, when we are like waiting for day 5 faster to come. yet at day 5, it just seem too fast. hmm. woke up. pack up tent. oh man. the peg is so difficult to take out loh. haha. wash groundsheet and tent. tiring. the groundsheet alone can kill. so pack here pack there. pack bag. then quite rushing and irritating also. is like pack so long haven't even finish. wanna kill man. haha. then after packing, which is around 9 (meaning we have work for like 3hr man, 6am-9am. siao.), went into our circle again. talk talk. samuel told us to write about team. what qualities should a team have?? what qualities i possessed as a teammate?? and so on. don't really know what to write. hate to write this kind of thing. i rather say it out. so fake right. writing down is like don't know filter how many times in the brain already. so just crap abit. haha. then later he gave us each a.. what's that called.. the thing that cover ur eyes so u can sleep when there's light. oh whatever. just that thing. then he said what write down the thing u want to do most. after writing, go towards him individually. then i was like, "huh?". thing want to do most?? er... sleep??. haha. so i just wrote down there, "don't understand". haha. stupid lah. so then he take us to the hill upstair. as in, at the place we slep on day 4, there is this rock climbing place, then pass through it, there is a route which leads to the middle of the hill. then we rest somewhere, wear our "mask", and samuel took away 1 ppl. think is faizal. so we sat down lah. then the rest of us just crap there. sang songs haha. then after quite a long while, samuel asked kokwan and me to go lah. so with our eyes covered, we were brought to an end of a tunnel. haha. then when i saw that tunnel, i was like laughing man. so cute. haha. it's like, "wow". haha. so kok wan go in first, then i followed. and when samuel close the door of the tunnel, oh man, complete dark. then i kept searching for kokwan shoe. haha. quite nice lah him. keep telling me to turn left turn right. nice guy. then when reaches the end, he was like wanting to help me get up. but stupid me loh. refuse his hand. then think he felt so awkward. haiz. must change lah me. must learn to accept help from other. shouldn't be so solo. so yeah. know liao leh. must change. PPL DON'T LIVE ALONE. yeahyeah. then when we get out, realised we will going the tunnel in a circle loh. actually the start and the end is just a short distance only. then haha. as for the last ppl to go out, samuel tell us to talk to them through the hole. then i went to one, and i said, "u will die man. inside gt poison." oh man. why i so stupid. what the hell i'm saying man. haha. ya. so that's all. actually don't really know what the rational behind this activity. to be BRAVE?? to BELIEVE IN YOURSELF?? U NV KNOW IF U NV TRY?? maybemaybe. well. quite fun though. yeah. so we went done. and guess what man. had to wash the toilet near the storeroom as sch duty. walao. and that toilet is not we use de loh. CHENG HO's girls nv use that toilet. and btw, that toilet is super smelly. always avoid that place. and now we have to clean it. haha. but don't care lah. all give out liao. just clean man clean. so yeah. took quite a long time. with keyi, nydia, baina and tanya. and 2 guys standing outside the door uselessly, and just holding the door open. haha. veryvery erxin. don't understand why. those girls ar. use pad or those disposable underwear also don't want to dispose properly. just stuck somewhere. shou bu liao. haha. then after cleaning, went to meet at the er... place that sell souvenier to meet and eat some food. haha. then some of them went to bought t-shirts. don't intend to buy then. no money was a reason. another reason is because i felt that it is nt as if i lack of t-shirt. why spend money and buy one??. but now. i somehow regret. yeahyeah. shocked leh. i regret not buying sth. wow. rare case. i'm just another sentimental girl yeah. but too bad. thing is done. regret also no use. yeahyeah. maybe next time, i shall THINK WIDER. don't think so narrow. be more flex bah. haha.
ohya, after tunnel, while waiting for the rest, we wrote "happy birthday, samuel" at the back of our journal. decide to give samuel surprise. then when we like gather around after everyone come out of tunnel, kokwan held his journal wrong way, then like showed samuel the words already. haha. don't know whether samuel saw it anot. then the rest of all, esp faizal, was like hinting kokwan to keep it. haha. so funny. and kokwan still blurblur. haha.
ok, then we went to the ground near the beach. circle talk. give out photo, certs, survey form. then. i don't really know how i feel then. not much feeling bah. cos they place gt alot of big ants and mosquito. just wanna quickquick talk finish and go back. haha. oh ya. samuel also told us a story. a last one from him. it's about mosquito. it's like mosquito has a life span of about 3weeks. and for this 3 week, it had to suck alot of blood and then go mate. however, each time it sucks blood, it had to take a risk. a risk of being killed by us, humans. but is it because of this risk existed, then it is reluctant to suck blood?? no. the mosquito still give it all out and suck. and shouldn't we learn sth from them?? yeahyeah. maybe someday somehow, we will find sth that it's worth our time and effort to risk it all. once found, don't let go off it. yeahyeah. haha. then, haha, when we are going back to meet with the rest, we sang happy bday song to samuel. think he was like quite "an wei" bah. haha. can see his nice nice smile on his face. haha. then faizal said to me before that when he go and ask other instructor whether it is really samuel's bday that day in the instructor lounge, samuel heard the conversation, and faizal saw samuel there laughing. oh man. means our plan all known liao. haha. but nvm lah. the heart counts yeah. so ya. happy ending. CHENG HO.
yeah. then gathered with the other watches and steven (another instructor) talk and tell us this story: (i just copy from huimin's blog lah hor. she post it all there)
by Bob PerksI never really thought that I'd spend as much time in airports as I do. I don't know why. I always wanted to be famous and that would mean lots of travel. But I'm not famous, yet I do see more than my share of airports.I love them and I hate them. I love them because of the people I get to watch. But they are also the same reason why I hate airports. It all comes down to "hello" and "goodbye."I must have mentioned this a few times while writing my stories for you.I have great difficulties with saying goodbye. Even as I write this I am experiencing that pounding sensation in my heart. If I am watching such a scene in a movie I am affected so much that I need to sit up and take a few deep breaths. So when faced with a challenge in my life I have been known to go to our local airport and watch people say goodbye. I figure nothing that is happening to me at the time could be as bad as having to say goodbye. Watching people cling to each other, crying, and holding each other in that last embrace makes me appreciate what I have even more. Seeing them finally pull apart, extending their arms until the tips of their fingers are the last to let go, is an image that stays forefront in my mind throughout the day. Recently I overheard a father and daughter in their last moments together. They had announced her departure and standing near the security gate, they hugged and he said, "I love you. I wish you enough." She in turn said, "Daddy, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Daddy."They kissed and she left. He walked over toward the window where I was seated. Standing there I could see he wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on his privacy, but he welcomed me in by asking, "Did you ever say goodbye to someone knowing it would be forever?" "Yes, I have," I replied. Saying that brought back memories I had of expressing my love and appreciation for all my Dad had done for me. Recognizing that his days were limited, I took the time to tell him face to face how much he meant to me. So I knew what this man experiencing."Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever goodbye?" I asked."I am old and she lives much too far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is, the next trip back would be for my funeral," he said."When you were saying goodbye I heard you say, "I wish you enough." May I ask what that means?"He began to smile. "That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone." He paused for a moment and looking up as if trying to remember it in detail, he smiled even more."When we said 'I wish you enough,' we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them," he continued and then turning toward me he shared the following as if he were reciting it from memory."I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more. I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger. I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting. I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.I wish enough "Hello's" to get you through the final "Goodbye."He then began to sob and walked away. quite meaningful lah hor. just that when steven said this story. he modified abit. haha. father change to mother. haha. so after that. had to wait for our turn to board the ship. quite boring then. don't know what to do. then finally can board on the ship. but sad. samuel nv send us off. then when one instructor said, "call sam here." we thought she referring to samuel. then we so happy. but in the end, samuel never appeared. haiz. didn't see him after that circle talk. haiz. now i really miss his voice. his action. and his smile. then on the way back to singapore, was like having this lostlost kind of feeling. don't feel easy. ya.
jiu zhe yang bah. the finish of obs. even though instructor said outward bound starts now. but.. i really felt lost loh. looking at my geog ws, it's all drawn with obs stuff. tent, kayaks, storeroom. haiz. i even compared teachers with instructors. instructors so happy with instructing us. they can forgo office politics, live naturally, happily, no worries. but for teachers, they still have to do with school politics, worry this and that. is teachers happy?? haiz. make me thing of all this.
and ya, my mood is solely depended on cheng ho loh. whenever i saw a cheng ho-ian, i became very happy. or even when ppl talk about obs, or just even say samuel is handsome, i'll be super happy. but... when no obs talk.. haiz. become siansian de.
anyway, today kept shown samuel photo to ppl. nice guy. haha. shuai. really love him. miss him man. nice guy. yeahyeah. hope can er.. see him one more time. and heard his voice. see his smile. haha.
8:40 pm
